My first awakening experience was filled with grace, most unexpectedly, and completely out of my control. Since then the tables have been shifted and i seemed to be doing all the heavy lifting. Such has been the case over the last few days, being laid low with bizarre physical symtoms that had me on the ropes for many days. Just a few hours ago it finally released me, as if to say, “lesson learned”, as i felt a breaking-through into bliss.
It was just a few days ago when that familiar headache and hives showed up in the middle of the night. This wasn’t the first time, so i knew the drill, but the work-arounds like surrender, just was cutting it. One night with hives all over my body i laid in the cool bathtub for hours; shaking, moaning, and surrendering with no relief in sight.
It never ceases to amaze me how each one of us has our own experience of awakening. As i laid in the cool tub i thought of Rita sleeping in the next room, my beloved brothers David, Steve, and Robb who all had in their own way a “night in the tub” and i laughed inside of my groans. What more did I have to do to play out this karmic integration which i knew from expereince would eventually lead to a breaking-through into bliss!
By now i had already learned that i was in charge of this second phase of awakening; i had been given the light torch with which i needed to examine the imprinted circuitry within my mind and body. These imprints didn’t inhibit my initial awakening just the integration of it’s ownership into my conscious mind and body. So what more could i discover here, right now, in this most beautiful and yet wretched state of merging between my essence and my human form. i cried out for help, not to take it away, but to show me what i needed to see. The answer came within 48 hours.
my guides came to me in the most gentle way and told me that the hives were an expression of a “quickening” that my soul had asked for, to help me learn an even deeper level of compassion for myself, others and the world. They continued to explain that i was still criticizing myself and needed to love myself even more. To “hold” myself in a new way, which would be the representation of the highest form of self love. OMG they were right again…of course.
If i could see, as they continued, that everything that was happening to my body is not because i’m being punished but because i have done every right! Wow what a concept. That this lesson coming through the body was a symbol of successful work, not a curse of not being enough. My work was cut out for me and i was so grateful and humbled.
I immediately started their suggested practice, that was two days ago and here i am sharing with you the success-release that occurred this afternoon as i was driving to join Rita and Sandy for lunch. As i walked up to their table Rita looked at me, smiled deeply, and said “Now there’s my husband!”.